Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
