My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
