actually, I'm a sock model
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
