You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
