Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
