All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
