You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He passed out mid-signature
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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