Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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