with your own penis?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
