I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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