This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
false alarm. still invincible.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You ruined the universe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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