I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
