he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
