wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
