the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
