Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
