woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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