Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
