??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
