dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
