Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
