I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
