The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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