well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
