Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
