i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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