It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
