bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
