No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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