so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
