can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
