So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
