Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
