the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
