STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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