Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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