Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
