Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
