Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
