I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
