he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
