Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
