Sponge bath it is.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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