We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
