I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
