There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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