my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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