I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
