apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
