I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
