and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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