in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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