i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
