Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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